I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
