just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
