he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
