Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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