he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
