Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize