i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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