Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
