Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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