I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
