what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
