dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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