I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
