I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
