you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
