I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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