I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize