come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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