Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I love you.
Bad choice
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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