Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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