How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
