your thong is hanging out like whoa
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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