Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
