He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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