i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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