i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
