After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
