So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
