And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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