I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
