dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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