She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
