He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize