Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
