I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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