There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
