We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry about my life...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
