I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize