I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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