we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize