Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
