and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
