Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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