She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
