a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
