so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
