i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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