Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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