Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
