I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
