piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
