My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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