I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
