I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
