weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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