I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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