Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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