we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
