that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
