WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You are a genius and a whore.
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