And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I didn't shave. On purpose
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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