I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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