She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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