HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
