Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
