Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
