Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
