my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
