My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
