and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
